The Lonely Soldier
by Elphaba Fiyerobert
Summary: After Frigga's death Loki wanders trying to find a way to continue life, now homeless not wanting to go back to Asgard after everything that had happened. His family think him dead, it is for the best. Stumbles onto the life of Steven Rogers, a guy also without a friend left in the world. So far from home, so lost and broken. He feels just once like doing something good
1. Chapter 1

The Lonely Soldier

Chapter One

Steve Rogers had been on ice for 70 years, he awoke to a new world of total insanity. His old life made sense to him, there were Nazi's to fight and a world to save. Good and bad, black and white, everything had been so simple. Now the world was full of tones of grey, the good wasn't always so good, nor the bad as evil as it was made out to be. It was hard to know who the true enemy was anymore. Friends, enemies, Nazi's, terrorists, Hydra, it all seemed one and the same.

Working with the Avengers had given him a focus, even with the tech issues and the aliens confusing the hell outta him. He felt lost in a sea of insanity through all of it. Stark had asked him some what must have been very simple tech questions when they were trying to save the Shield carrier, all he had done was stand there staring with no idea of what he was looking at. After New York, none of them had been the same, they never could be.

Stark had kindly set Steve up with some computer courses, gradually increasing in ability. That had helped greatly, Steve was a very quick study taking in everything he could. Stark had even allowed him to tinker in his lab a few times, pulling things apart to rebuild them see how they ticked. Banner had helped him catch up on decades of medical advances. Shield had left boxes of history files to catch up on, the internet helped greatly. The idea of typing in a question to a computer and a thousand answers coming back in under a second. It was fantastic, Steve sat up half the night reading trying to survive in his new life.

Sleep never came easily, every time he closed his eyes the war came back to him, or New York, or the ice. His nightmares were terrible, he never told anyone. They had all assumed he was frozen instantly, if only that had been the case. Too long he had been awake, aware in a semi frozen state neither living nor dying. Trapped in his own personal hell with no way to escape from it.

Peggy was one of the last few surviving people from his own time, Shield had arranged a few visits. She was so old now, jumping between knowing who has was, able to talk for hours and then sliding back into having no idea who he was. Dementure, it tore his heart into a thousand pieces to see the great woman he had loved, respected and wanted to marry torn down by a sickness that even his super powers could never have fixed. He tried to visit her often no matter how much it hurt, a duty to himself. A debt to be repaid for not spending those seventy years at her side.

Other then going to the gym, running or the odd Shield meeting Steve never left this apartment. The world was too strange to him, the more he learned about it the more isolated, alone he felt. That nurse from across the hall, they had dated a few times before she was moved to another assignment. The new 'watcher' was a guy in his 50's, they never spoke. He didn't really speak to anyone,

As the months passed Steve retreated more into himself, 40's music on constantly in the background his final link to sanity. He stopped most of his research, even his exercise routines slowed down. He started to fall into a deep depression, he wanted to go back home. Back to his own time, his own world. He almost thought about asking Stark to advise if tech was advanced enough to build a time device yet. Somehow he thought the man would only laugh. Either way speaking to another human was uncomfortable now.

Dealing with the winter soldier brought back far too many bad memories, seeing his old training camp falling apart around him. Everything from his time was just about gone, apart from Bucky. There wasn't a single lead on where to find him yet, I mean really how do you track a ghost? Shield being rebuilt just didn't appeal to him, or keep attempting to date as Tasha had advised.

Steven Rogers was lost, lonely, frankly afraid of this world. Attempting his usual run around the city, he only managed a couple of laps before sitting under a tree drinking a bottle of water. Disinterested in continuing, he sat there watching people go about their normal lives. He sighed deeply, the depression settling once again upon him.

"Pathetic aren't they?" a creamy voice asked, "Rushing around in their dull mortal lives so convinced that they will die before they get to where they need to be. So fixated on money, sex, family. Childish sheep just following the path of their ancestors before them, never even crossing their tiny little minds to have a single independent thought. Never break out of the mould society makes for them. This Midgard is full of insanity."

Steve looked up, "Loki" he nodded. Wondering briefly if he should be ready to defend himself before realising he didn't really care if he was killed. "You are not wrong there, I tire of trying to find sense in all this madness."

Loki crouched on the ground next to him, dressed in black trousers, a black sweater. Midgardian clothing suited him well, even Steve had to admire the cut on him. "I could help you, if I was so inspired to do so." He commented.

Steve's interest perked up at that idea, "Why would you help me?"

Loki looked at him a little sad, "Perhaps because neither of us truly have a place to belong. Because I understand what it is to be an outcast. Think about my offer." He vanished without giving time for an answer.

Steve stared at the spot Loki had just been standing on, experiencing a new flood of emotions. What if there really was a way out of this hell?


	2. Chapter 2

The Lonely Soldier

Chapter Two

AUTHORS NOTE: WARNING ADULT CONTENT CHAPTER

Steve ended up in a bar that night, listening to big band numbers playing on the main stage. Some 1940's revival evening, the closest thing he could get to home. Sinking whisky fast at the bar, a cap tightly down over his eyes to hide who he was. After the operations Steve hadn't found he could get drunk, he tried after they lost Bucky. Since the defrosting things had changed. It took a lot longer then usual, but it certainly still worked. His cheeks flushed, trying to hold in a fit of random giggles as the potions mixed with his blood stream. He must have drunk bottles by now, he had completely lost track moving bar to bar so no one noticed how inhuman the amount was he could drink.

A mixture of sorrow, and impossible drunken joy spreading over him now Steve found himself dragged into the dance floor by various ladies. Barely keeping his feet under him as he swung them around the dance floor, them marveling at how he knew all the old dance steps. One blonde girl with curly hair kept coming back for another dance. She winked seductively at him over her drink. He was almost tempted to go over there and kiss her, even if it wasn't right or proper to do so. He hadn't touched a woman since before Bucky died, he longed to be with one again. Longed for pretty much anything that wasn't this place or time.

Steve ordered another double almost missing his seat as he sat down. He really did need to either find a new bar so they didn't notice how much he had drunk, or head home to sleep it off. Home was the smarter option, but that wasn't going to end his pain tonight. Cutting was hardly worth attempting, he healed almost as fast as he could break the skin. Just once he had attempted suicide on pills, he had slept deeply for a change waking next morning perfectly well. Given how many knocks, falls and how much damaged had been done to him in battle. How he had fallen from a sky ship and still survived although he had been in hospital some time afterwards. He wasn't hopeful that other forms of suicide would be any more successful.

The blonde winked at him again, she was oh so tempting. A little distraction to get him through yet another lonely night. She had an amazing body, but what would people think if he took a dame for nothing bar pure sex? What would Tasha think? She was the closest thing he had to a friend since New York. Would people judge him a whore or worse would they judge the girl? He wasn't as concerned about his own reputation as he was in hers. Women of this time frame were strange to him, several cozied up in corners of the bar with men acting completely inappropriately. The girl winked again, staring at him pointedly as she walked towards the door. Steve just sat there finishing his drink slowly.

"Hey hotshot, that means follow her." The barman warned.

"Oh." Steve commented, draining the glass to do as he was bid.

She was waiting just outside the door fixing her lipstick. "I'm Gloria." She drawled in a thick southern accent.

"Steve." He replied.

"Nice to meet ya sugar." She smiled, grabbing his coat and pushing him against the wall, kissing him.

"This isn't proper." He objected.

"But its fun!" she laughed, kissing him deeper as she unzipped his pants feeling what lay beneath.

Steve's breath hitched as she started to stroke him. "Stop." he asked softly.

"Is that what you really want?" she asked groping more firmly.

He moaned softly, "No, but you are a lady."

"Not so much, enjoy this." She replied.

Anymore objections from the white knight were lost in her passionate kissing. Her administrations driving him into a frenzy. She lent in sexily to whisper in his ear, "I'm not wearing any underwear."

He might be a gentleman, but he was human, lonely and very turned on. Even the dark side alley she had dragged him down wasn't enough to put him off as she hitched her dress up to show him what lay underneath. Her cleanly shaven vagina tempting him. Steve pushed her against the wall, dipping his fingers between her legs to pleasure her. Her warmth pleasing to his touch as she kissed his neck. "I need you." She breathed.

"I need you too." He moaned leaning into her touch.

"Take me." She begged.

"Yes!" he murmured, wrapping her legs around him as he lifted her onto his aching cock. "Oh." He moaned as he pushed gently inside, "So good."

"So strong." She breathed.

Steve slammed her into the wall cracking it as he trusted starting to lose control.

"More." She moaned.

Steve obeyed groaning as her nails dug into his back. She bit into his neck teasing him further. He was close to the edge, breathing heavily. She noticed wrapping her legs tighter around him, drawing him in even closer. Urging him faster, harder. He obeyed her every wish until he could take no more, spilling his seed deep inside of her. Their cries surely enough to alert everyone nearby what was going on. Steve put her down gently, kissing her as he tucked himself away.

"Thanks, see you around." She said coolly.

Steve stared at her, "That's it?"

"Sure hot stuff, we had a moment, it passed." She answered walking away, "See you around maybe."

Leaving Steve with no where to go, but back to the bar.


	3. Chapter 3

The Lonely Soldier

Chapter Three

Steve couldn't face returning to the sleazy bar that had left him feeling so damn dirty inside. He staggered down the street vaguely towards his home, not sure if that was where he wanted to go or not. He was still half way between the wanting to drink and wanting to sleep stages. The sex had been great in the moment, but how Gloria had acted afterwards. That it had all just been meaningless, left him hollow, empty inside. The women of this time sure weren't the ladies he used to know.

Not like Peggy had been…

Oh how he wished he had taken her to that dance, that he hadn't been buried in the ice, that his life was normal! Hell he even wished he had died, anything to escape this modern hellish world that was his life now. The phone SHIELD had given him ringing in his pocket as he walked. So the world needed Captain America yet again, the wholesome all American hero! Big deal, their hero was just an all American loser now. He had nothing to offer the world, the world had little to offer him.

As soon as the phone stopped ringing, it started again. Steve turned the phone off tossing it into the trash. Before heading into another dark seedy bar no one would ever think of checking for him in if they were even bothered to try and find him which he seriously doubted. No one would notice if he was gone unless the world went to hell again.

He drank for hours, topping back up what his body was already processing way to quickly for his liking. He could barely even keep his seat at the bar, but he still kept on drinking. He wondered absently what SHIELD would do if he turned up tomorrow passed out on the floor here? How would they handle the press when the world found out their hero was a drunk? Nothing but a useless waste of space, he should have died 70 years ago.

Someone sat on the stool next to him, ordering a fresh round of drinks offering one across to him. "This was not what I expected to find." He commented.

Steve looked up taking the glass, "Loki, I would rather be alone thank you."

Loki smiled wolfishly, "Perhaps you would, but I have interest in you I expressed previously. I will not leave you here to drink yourself into death."

"I am perfectly fine, leave me be." Steve snapped getting to his feet to leave. Leaning heavily against the bar stool as the whole nights session seemed to kick in at once.

Loki snaked an arm around his waist, "Still think you are fine mortal?"

"Maybe I am a tiny bit drunk." Steve mumbled.

"Maybe you are." He answered, helping him to walk across to the door.

Cold air only worsened the situation as Steve flopped against the God, who tried to support his weight. Sighing he used magic to transport them back to the mortal's home. Tipping him onto the bed, loosening his belt and removing the shoes like he had a hundred times for his brother before this.

"Loki, why are you taking care of me?" the soldier asked sleepily?

"Because you interest me, out of all the Avengers you were willing to give me a chance. I see in your eyes the same pain I feel inside since mother passed. Pain I would like to remove for you, perhaps lifting some of my won as well." He answered.

"I have nothing to give you in return." Steve said.

"You perhaps do not have to pay for this debt. Perhaps it is one I owe you for past favour granted." He suggested.

Steve thought about it, "I just wanted to help you, you don't seen the monster the say. Just a lonely man, like I am."

"Is that what you are?" Loki asked, "Lonely?"

Steve found tears falling quietly, "So very lonely, no one understands. No one even tries to, I am just another relic of a time long ago."

Loki laid a hand on his shoulder, "And I am just a stolen relic from a frost giants home, kept by Odin in case he might one day have need of me. He kept the secret from me my whole life, my true birth right. When I discovered." He trailed off.

"What happened?" Steve pressed.

"I was not myself for some time, as you saw firsthand." He finished sadly, "Perhaps I am still not myself now."

Steve pulled him down onto the bed next to him. "Stay with me tonight?" he asked, not quite sure why he did.

Loki smiled a warm heartfelt half smile for once, "If you so desire mortal, I will stay a spell here." He lay on the bed after removing his outer garment, drawing the other towards him.

"Stay forever?" the soldier asked almost gone now.

"What do you want most in all the nine realms?" Loki asked quietly.

"To go home." He sighed.

Loki smiled as the other gave in to sleep, "That can be arranged Mr. Rogers."


End file.
